The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
IS THIS A JOKE ??
-
Jacksparrow
- Moderator
- Posts: 6524
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
Three old women are sitting on a park bench when a man jumps out and flashes at them. Two of the women immediately have a stroke. The other one couldn't quite reach.
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
I still remember the last words my old grandfather said to me when he kicked the bucket: "How far d'you think I can kick this bucket ?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Knock knock
Who's there ?
The postman.
The postman who ?
Look, do you want this parcel or not ?!?!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Knock knock
Who's there ?
The postman.
The postman who ?
Look, do you want this parcel or not ?!?!
-
Jacksparrow
- Moderator
- Posts: 6524
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
The Head of The Cotswold Hedgehogs goes to see the Head of The Cotswold Rabbits, for he is very wise.
The Head Hedgehog says, "O wise Head of The ..... (you get it), we hedgehogs have a problem and I have come to thee (this was in biblical days) for ye solution (it was also in mediaeval days). Our members keep being splatted by ye machines with ye large, bright headlights which travel upon ye roads. We hath noticed that thee and thy members get splatted not (authentic, innit ?!?). Tell me, O wise Rabbit, for what and why is the reason thereof."
Ye (sorry) The Rabbit says, "Accompany me to ye nearest road this very eve, O dim Hedgehog, and I shalt demonstrate ye trick required to ensure ye splattering not of (went a little adrift there in the vernacular)."
So, in ye evening of ye night, Spikey and ye wise Head Rabbit approach said ye road (it's not an Ay road
) and, true to his word, ye Rabbit tells ye Spikey that it is necessary to sit between ye large, bright headlights, ye car passes over ye body and no harm is done. Watch: and sure enuf ye Rabbit goes out into the road, takes up ye appropriate position, ye car comes along and passes safely over. Spikey is much impressed by ye miracle and is invited by ye Head Rabbit to try it for himself.
And lo, ye Head Hedgie steps verily out into ye road, positions himself millimetrically between the next set of approaching headlights and ye Head Rabbit hears a loud splat !!
"Blimey," quoth he, "Thou dost not see many Reliant Robins around these days, dost thou ?!?!"
Here endeth .......
The Head Hedgehog says, "O wise Head of The ..... (you get it), we hedgehogs have a problem and I have come to thee (this was in biblical days) for ye solution (it was also in mediaeval days). Our members keep being splatted by ye machines with ye large, bright headlights which travel upon ye roads. We hath noticed that thee and thy members get splatted not (authentic, innit ?!?). Tell me, O wise Rabbit, for what and why is the reason thereof."
Ye (sorry) The Rabbit says, "Accompany me to ye nearest road this very eve, O dim Hedgehog, and I shalt demonstrate ye trick required to ensure ye splattering not of (went a little adrift there in the vernacular)."
So, in ye evening of ye night, Spikey and ye wise Head Rabbit approach said ye road (it's not an Ay road
) and, true to his word, ye Rabbit tells ye Spikey that it is necessary to sit between ye large, bright headlights, ye car passes over ye body and no harm is done. Watch: and sure enuf ye Rabbit goes out into the road, takes up ye appropriate position, ye car comes along and passes safely over. Spikey is much impressed by ye miracle and is invited by ye Head Rabbit to try it for himself.And lo, ye Head Hedgie steps verily out into ye road, positions himself millimetrically between the next set of approaching headlights and ye Head Rabbit hears a loud splat !!
"Blimey," quoth he, "Thou dost not see many Reliant Robins around these days, dost thou ?!?!"
Here endeth .......
-
Jacksparrow
- Moderator
- Posts: 6524
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
Just to prove Placi and peregrine are not the only ones with bad jokes I offer this:-
Far away in the tropical waters of the Great Barrier Reef, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."
As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself Becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house.
As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.
"Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked. "
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."...
....."I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again Christian".
Far away in the tropical waters of the Great Barrier Reef, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."
As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself Becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house.
As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.
"Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked. "
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."...
....."I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again Christian".