Garden Wildlife UK

How many men does it take to open a can of beer? None, it should be open when she brings it to you.

How do you fix a woman's watch? No need. There's a clock on the oven.

I've just got a job in a senior position at Old MacDonald's Farm.

I'll be the new CIEIO

It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house…

The difference is staggering.

A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. “That’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies “It’s a freebie"

‘My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!”

‘What a weird way to start a conversation …’

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity
…