Garden Wildlife UK

Mother says to another mother, "Why does your son go cluck-cluck-cluck?". The second mother says, "Because he thinks he's a chicken".
"Why don't you explain to him that he's not a chicken?".
"Because we need the eggs."

I saw this quote today attributed to Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it is too dark to read.

'I thought today I'd start by singing one of Irving Berlin's songs. But then I thought why should I? He never sings any of mine.' - Spike Milligan

Is that true about the collie dog nextdoor, Placi? Just been wondering ........

Nuthatch, me ole mate, it's whatever you want it to be ........
(bit of Zen philosophy there)

Mother shows new baby to admiring friend:
"We've named him after my father."
"John ??"
"No - Dad."

A man comes home from the pushing a pram. 'You idiot!' screams the wife, 'that's not our baby'. 'I know,' says the husband, 'but its a nicer pram.'

I joined all my watches together to make a belt.
It was a waist of time