Garden Wildlife UK

peregrine wrote:Mind you, going by his last joke it could be Kev. Case for Miss Marple.

Hmmmm let me see. What are the clues
No sign of breaking and entering the property. No valuables missing. Only loss Peregrine's dog-eared old joke book from it's hiding place in an old trunk under the bed in the spare room..
Who had the knowledge of it's whereabouts and the motive(i.e. years of being subjected to second hand wit) and the opportunity.
I have to say, it's a tough one.

How does our esteemed Cap'n know the whereabouts of said missing dog-eared article ?? Does his memory stretch back to the only party we ever had at Peregrine's hoose when we tried to find it and set fire to it ??
Does the wronged party have the joke book insured and is therefore up for a whacking payoot ??
Should the felon get a meggle and we'll all live happily ever after .......

(It wisna' me, Peregrine - 'onest mon - ah wiz paddlin' in the Nith at the time.)

Placido wrote:
(It wisna' me, Peregrine - 'onest mon - ah wiz paddlin' in the Nith at the time.)

The tide wus in at the time but I believe you Placi. Maybe the Cap't will come clean and confess.

Oh me Joke Book

An Englishman says to his friend, the Scotsman, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants.

"I go in at well past 9 o’clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, linger over coffee, port and a cigar. Come 2 a.m., as they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay. Then I tell them that I already paid your colleague who has left."

The Scotsman is impressed, and says, "let's try it together this evening."

So the Scotsman books them into a restaurant and come 2 o’clock they are both still quietly sitting there after a very full meal. Sure enough, a waiter comes over and asks them to pay.

The Englishman just says, "I've already paid your colleague who has left."

And the Scotsman adds, "and we are still waiting for the change!"

What's the deal with train spotters?
I counted 27 of the losers today. My record is 41.

Roses are red
Violets are blue...................OMG 'av dun that yin.

A woman and her lover are in bed and she's just finished telling him how stupid her Irish husband is when Paddy burst into the room and yells, "What are you doing ?!?!?!?!?!!!!!"
"See, I told you", she says.

Why did God invent alcohol? To prevent the Irish from ruling the world.

How did the Irish fish die. It drowned.

Man goes to the doctor and asks for something for wind. Doctor gives him a kite.

Man goes into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says, "Pint please, and one for the road."

Placido wrote:Man goes to the doctor and asks for something for wind. Doctor gives him a kite.

Man goes into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says, "Pint please, and one for the road."

For gawds sake give peregrine his book back