Garden Wildlife UK

My mate was just refused entry to a Fancy Dress Party because he was dressed as a wash basin.
Just let that sink in!

We were so poor growing up that we couldn't afford shoes, we used to cover our feet in bubble wrap then pop to the shops.

Remembering all the people who said I was too lazy to achieve anything in life is what gets me out of bed in the afternoon.

I said to my mate, "My girlfriend keeps asking me if I'm an Alice in Wonderland character, and it's getting very annoying!"
He said, "Are you mad at her?"
I said, "don't you start!"

Two fleas are on Robinson Crusoe's back. One says to the other "Bye for now, I'll see you on Friday"