I take it all back 
IS THIS A JOKE ??
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
Four out of five people say they suffer from diarrhoea. So does that mean that one out of five actually enjoys it?
Do you drink to excess? 'I'll drink to anything'.
Do you drink to excess? 'I'll drink to anything'.
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
2 Irishmen walk into a bar, order 2 Guinnesses, sit down and begin to eat from their lunchboxes. The barman says, "Oi !! You can't eat your own food in here !!" so the Irishmen swap sandwiches.
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
11 Great Halloween One-Liners
Jimmy Carr - “It’s actually easy to tell if your house is haunted. It isn’t. Grow up.”
Tim Vine - “So I saw this bloke who was a cross between an ostrich and a serial killer. He was always burying other people’s heads in the sand.”
Milton Jones - “I was walking along today and on the road I saw a small baby ghost. Although thinking about it, it might have been a handkerchief.”
Mike Birbiglia - “Halloween is the one day of the year when it’s ok to ask 'what are you?'”
Tony Cowards - “The best way to annoy Count Dracula? Make him a little cross.”
Maura Quint - “For Halloween, I’m dressing up as my potential and getting wasted.”
Robin Williams - “If it’s the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number?”
Kristen Schaal - “I often wonder, if you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?”
Chris Dugdale - “How many people here are psychic? Raise my hand.”
Tim Vine - “I have spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house… I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.”
Maura Quint - “Halloween used to be the holiday where you went out of your way to be scared but now we just call that reading the news.”
Jimmy Carr - “It’s actually easy to tell if your house is haunted. It isn’t. Grow up.”
Tim Vine - “So I saw this bloke who was a cross between an ostrich and a serial killer. He was always burying other people’s heads in the sand.”
Milton Jones - “I was walking along today and on the road I saw a small baby ghost. Although thinking about it, it might have been a handkerchief.”
Mike Birbiglia - “Halloween is the one day of the year when it’s ok to ask 'what are you?'”
Tony Cowards - “The best way to annoy Count Dracula? Make him a little cross.”
Maura Quint - “For Halloween, I’m dressing up as my potential and getting wasted.”
Robin Williams - “If it’s the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number?”
Kristen Schaal - “I often wonder, if you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?”
Chris Dugdale - “How many people here are psychic? Raise my hand.”
Tim Vine - “I have spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house… I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.”
Maura Quint - “Halloween used to be the holiday where you went out of your way to be scared but now we just call that reading the news.”
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand 
Tonight's meeting of the clairvoyants society has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances
How would you rate that spiritualist you saw last week? - medium
Tonight's meeting of the clairvoyants society has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances
How would you rate that spiritualist you saw last week? - medium
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Jacksparrow
- Moderator
- Posts: 6524
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
I got a rejection letter from the origami university today,
I’m not sure what to make of it.
I’m not sure what to make of it.
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
Chemistry teacher to pupil: 'What's the chemical composition of water?' Pupil: ' H - I - J - K - L- M - N - O.' Teacher: 'What? Whatever gave you that idea?' Pupil: 'You said so yesterday. You said water was "H to O.".'
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Jacksparrow
- Moderator
- Posts: 6524
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
That ABBA tribute band playing in the pub last night were incredibly loud. You could hear the drums from Nandos.