A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client.
"Saul, I have some good news, and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she just invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15 million to $20 million, and I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day.
Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary.
IS THIS A JOKE ??
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Jacksparrow
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Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam.. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam.. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
Cliff Richard goes to an old peoples' home to host a sing-a-long but is surprised to discover none of the residents recognise him. Puzzled. he takes an old lady aside and says, 'Excuse me, but do you have any idea who I am?' 'Sorry dear,' says the old lady. 'But you ask one of the nurses and they'll let you know.' 
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Jacksparrow
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Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
New #340
I dropped my phone in the sink today and someone told me to dry it out in a bowl of rice.
I've still lost all my contacts, except for my uncle Ben.
I dropped my phone in the sink today and someone told me to dry it out in a bowl of rice.
I've still lost all my contacts, except for my uncle Ben.
.Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
Cant drop one in the sink, as I don't have one. Been resisting the urge to get one for a long time, I think I am winning.
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but boy can she climb a tree 
My wife is on a seafood diet. If she sees food she eats it.
My wife is on a seafood diet. If she sees food she eats it.
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
A German jumps into a river to save a dog from drowning. 'Are you a vet?' asks a passer-by. 'A vet' says the German. 'I'm bloody zoaking!'
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Jacksparrow
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Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
A man who took an airline to court after losing his luggage has lost his case.